The 10 Habits of All Happy Women
After the birth of my first child, I suffered from paralyzing post-partum depression. During those dark times, I stumbled upon a quote that has stayed with me to this day:
“Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.”
I love this quote because it's so simple to be gentle with ourselves, yet more often than not, it's one of the hardest things to do. When I came out on the other side of the post-partum depression, I vowed to strive for happiness every single day. Here are 10 things I've put together to help anyone achieve emotional wellbeing and sustained happiness.
1. Avoid "If Only" Scenarios
If only you had a bigger apartment; if only you could find the perfect partner; if only you got that raise; if only you had a better job. "If only" scenarios force you to think about a future that doesn't yet exist and blinds you from the present moment.
2. Find And Cultivate Your Best Self
You are the only person you will spend the rest of your life with, so it's important to love yourself. Don't rely on someone else to bring out the best in you. Do that for yourself. Do things that benefit your mental, physical, and emotional health. If that means letting go of toxic friendships, learning a new skill, or practicing self-care, go for it!
3. Avoid The Perfectionist Mindset
There is no such thing as perfection. Much like the elusive unicorn, perfection doesn't exist. When you focus on things being perfect, your attention is drawn to failures rather than accomplishments. Instead, strive for personal excellence.
4. Just Say "No"
If someone asks you to do something and you don't want to do it, just say no. Of course, there are exceptions to this. When the IRS asks you to file your taxes by April 15th, and you don't want to do it, you really do have to say yes. You get my drift, right? Part of being an adult is doing things we don't want to do (paying bills, commuting to work, etc.) but for the things that you do have control over, exercise your right to say no.
5. Make A Routine
Whether it's a morning or nighttime routine, having a routine gives your day stability. No matter how carefree you are, all of us crave some type of stability. Routines provide a sense of structure, familiarity, and a way of organizing your life so that it makes sense to you.
6. Focus On What You Have And Not On What You Don't
Similar to #1, when you focus on what you don't have, you are taking yourself out of the present moment and into a space that doesn't exist. When you focus on the good things that you have, more good things will come to you. When you focus on what you don't have, more of that emptiness will come to you.
7. Devote Time To Relationships
Sometimes life gets in the way and we lose touch with family and friends that we enjoy spending time with. Maintaining meaningful and healthy relationships help you sustain a positive outlook and wards off feelings of depression, anxiety, and anger.
8. Make Things Happen
Stop talking about it and start being about it! Instead of talking about all of the things you want to accomplish, happy people actually do them. They don't make excuses or let circumstances get in their way. They are go-getters and don't dwell on "would of's" or "should of's." Write that book, take that class, start that side business. Less talking, more doing.
9. Be Present
When you're at work, do you think about everything you need to do when you get home? And vice versa? When you're out with your friends, how often do you feel the need to take pictures and post on social media instead of just enjoying the moment? Research shows that both success and happiness depend on our ability to remain focused on the here and now.
“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”
10. Learn From Adversity
Everyone fails, it's part of life. Many of us try to avoid failure like the plague, but it can be one of life's greatest teachers. Failure is not a step backward, it’s an excellent stepping stone to success and happiness. Happy people learn from their adversities instead of dwelling on them. They learn and move on. They know that the past is a place of reference, not residence.
