How This Divorced Mom of Three Is Paying Down Her Debt
As women, we are taught that it is impolite to talk about money. So, for years, I didn't. In fact, I rarely looked at my accounts. I was told I knew nothing of finances so I allowed my ex-husband to handle all of that.
That was the biggest mistake ever.
Once our divorce proceedings started, things got messy. He cut me off financially before a court order was in place, and as a stay-at-home mom of three, I had no choice but to open a credit card (or three) just to handle the day-to-day.
I won't go into the dirty details of the financials of my still on-going divorce, but let's just say a call from my lawyer will have my head spinning as to just how dirty it really is. In the interim, I've had to do what I can with what I have and what I have is debt from three years and a freelancer's income. And what I have learned is that I know more about finances than I was made to believe, although full-disclosure, I am not an expert by any means.*
So how much debt do I have exactly, aside from my student loans (which is another issue)? The answer: a little over $11,200 in credit card and medical debt. Not only is that hard to say out loud but harder to write and let people know something about me so personal. But I am sure many can relate, or you wouldn't be reading this now, would you?
So in an effort to get financially healthy in 2020, I am sharing how I plan on tackling my mounting debt, learning to be more open about my finances and goals, and letting go of the taboo that women shouldn't talk about money.
1. Learn
I have read countless blogs, books, listened to podcasts, and focused a lot of the little free time I have to learn what I need to know about my finances. But the most important thing to learn is what you are working with. As stressful as it may seem at first, you have to see what your debt actually is, down to the last penny. Then your expenses and your income, which for me has been the hardest as I am a freelancer and have been for the last ten years.
Setting up a weekly and monthly “progress” date has been extremely important, though I wasn't excited about it at first. Now, I look forward to it so I can celebrate even the smallest wins.
Recommended books:
Prince Charming Isn’t Coming
By: Barbara Stanny
The Total Money Makeover
By: Dave Ramsey
2. Get Organized
I use to poke fun at my girlfriend for being such a slave to spreadsheets. I'd be lying if I wasn't swallowing my words right now relying heavily on one that tracks all of my debt and monthly expenses. I now carve out one hour a week to look over my numbers, track spending, check accounts, revisit my budget if need be and while I haven't mastered it, I know what I have to allotted to spend every week in my checking almost by memory.
MBG’s favorite budget tracking tools are:
3. Spend Wisely
Giving yourself a “no spend” month is okay but a “no spend” year — not so much. You shouldn't deprive yourself of things you enjoy altogether but you should, however, only spend what you have.
That means not using a credit card. I have rules to how I spend my money and after paying off two debts in full, I am now onto snowballing the credit cards.
Learn how the debt snowball method works.
4. Unsubscribe
And speaking of spending — it is hard these days between the FOMO Instagram may give and the endless shopping newsletters filling up your inbox to not want to buy something nice.
But unsubscribe.
Out of sight (or site) and out of mind. No need to have the temptation staring back at you every time you look at your phone and, truly, you don't need to live it up for the 'gram, you need to live it up for you.
5. Patience
It took a bit of time to get into my debt. I didn't go bonkers at some fancy designer retailer. It took over three years, a lot of money was being spent on making my previous home presentable to put on the market, moving expenses to get myself and my children into our lovely new home, and odds-and-ends during the months I wasn't working as much.
The bulk of it was based on needs but it took time to get into it, so I should allow myself some grace in getting myself out. Rome wasn't built in a day and I have given myself a timeframe to wiggle myself out of debt.
6. Celebrate the Wins
Since I started writing this piece about a month ago, my debt has dropped under $10,000. The last medical bill came in at just one cent. Shame on them by the way, spending forty cents on a stamp for that nonsense, but it is what it is. So I paid the penny, and after dropping all the kids off at school, I took myself out for coffee to celebrate which was for me, money spent wisely that time.
*MBG suggests you talk to a financial advisor as this post is detailing what the writer has done. It may not work for everyone.
