“Insecure” Season 4 Explores the Delicate Balance of Female Friendships and How Easily They Can Fall Apart

What does a picture-perfect female friendship look like?

Let me paint you a picture. You’re at brunch surrounded by your girlfriends that you’ve known since grade school, high school, college, work, etc. Since you all get along so well, you love to hang out and talk life together. You’re laughing while eating salad and enjoying a beautiful, healthy euphoria of conversations. You all hang out consistently, travel together, and enjoy the same things. Sounds beautiful, doesn’t it?

Well, girl, somewhere in my human experience, a seed was planted that led me to believe this was the ideal female friendship situation.

I’ve personally learned, the hard way, that the fairy tale picture painted above is far from realistic. I’ve lost important friendships, cut some unhealthy relationships, and, at times, felt lonely as I had no true friendships at all.

This made me self-reflect on what true friendships really meant to me.

Like many, I’ve looked to shows like Sex in the City, Dollface, Broad City, Pinkslipped, and Insecure to gain insight on the importance of strong female relationships. Side note ladies: have you seen Pinkslipped? So good, right? I should know, I played Paloma, the West Coast Latina influencer. Check it out on Youtube if you haven’t. Anyway...

Spoilers Ahead:

For example, over the last four seasons of HBO’s hit show, Insecure, we’ve seen Issa Dee’s (Issa Rae) relationship with Molly Carter (Yvonne Orji) evolve with the ebbs-and-flows of life. These women have been there for each other through breakups, jobs, income loss, and lifestyle changes. In this latest season, we saw their beautiful relationship take a darker turn, with gut-wrenching scenes showing how miscommunication, anger, and physical frustration can lead to the demise of a friendship.

After researching reviews, most people disagreed with Molly’s behavior and actions. Especially during the scene at Issa’s successful block party, where Molly lashes out in anger after Issa used her networking skills to get a top artist to perform at her event. Most agreed that was not the time nor the place to have that conversation which turned into physical anger manifesting itself. 

This should be a moment for us all to self reflect on how we handle miscommunications with our girls.

“What I’ve learned is that the closer we are to someone the more we project our own insecurities on that person.”

Let’s be real — it’s difficult AF to manage an evolving career, intimate relationships, and (for some) multiple friendships. In season four, Issa is trying to make a name for herself as a Community Based Organizer. Diving into a different career can take up mental, emotional, and physical energy. This contributes to some sour feelings Molly has built up about Issa not always considering her.

Questions here for self-reflections are:

1. What can we do to be better friends for each other?

2. When and how does one know to walk away from a friendship?

3. What if you’re the “Molly” friend, we all know one, am I right?

4. Or, what if you just suck at being a good friend?

As a general understanding, a good friend is a great listener, empathizes during turbulent times in life, shares deep thoughts, sometimes helps you through decision making, and supports your goals or dreams.

There’s no rule book that guides us.

Every relationship may have different needs, consistencies, or lack thereof. In most cases, we’re all going through “stuff”, so how can we truly be there for each other? You may be closer to one girlfriend over another. What I’ve learned is that the closer we are to someone the more we project our own insecurities on that person. Sometimes it happens subconsciously.

A friend of mine recently talked to me about boundaries, and we realized we had no idea how to even begin to set them for each other. In these sometimes uncomfortable moments of transparent communication, we grow, we learn and our friendships evolve.

Like Issa and Molly, some friendships are worth fighting for. As I reflect on the ending of the last scene of the last episode in season four, which ended in Issa and Molly having dinner in their favorite restaurant, knowing what they were each going through, they needed each other more than ever. This same scene is how the show kicked off in season one, with Molly and Issa communicating about the hardships of their lives.

Even though communication can be hard, especially when it requires vulnerability, it's a necessary step in progressing important friendships. As women, going through hard times in today's climate, I challenge you all to be vulnerable and open with your girls. I’m far from the perfect friend, but definitely working on it with my gals.

I may not have the answers but I know I’m not alone in figuring out this friendship thing

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