How a Halloween Fling and a Waitress Changed My Life
Last year wasn’t my best. I settled. For men, jobs, and standards I’d never allow myself to conform to. Today I can say that; three months ago, I would have known it, but wouldn’t have spoken about it.
I’ll cut to the chase, my ex was a last-minute pick-me-up on Halloween that I knew had no real direction. For starters, he was eleven years my junior. I’d like to preface this by saying, I don’t date younger. NEVER. Yet last year I did a lot of things I never do. I can also say I don’t regret it because I learned a lot about myself through those experiences.
Back to “Saffron” as he became affectionately named. We met on a dating app on Halloween. I often went live when I was bored and I’d chat with guys. He popped into my stream and offered to take me on a date. I instantly told him, “If you don’t take your young cute ass on somewhere.” The difference between him and the other guys I was chatting with was that he was adamant and really trying to go out. So I took him up on his offer, something I’d never done before. I have to vet guys online to be sure they are who they say they are and to gain some kind of comfort. However, to speed up the process I just asked him to text me a picture of his license, which I sent to my favorite cousin, who also had my location.
The date wasn't crazy expensive, but it was cute. We enjoyed each other and he was happy to pay. I can’t lie, I felt like the biggest cougar. The conversation was basic, inevitably missing elements that I’d look for in someone I wanted to be serious with, but the attraction was there. Yet still, I was able to get out of the house, have a bite to eat and a drink, and enjoy the company of a handsome young man.
After that night we talked daily. If I’m being super truthful we talked that night after the date and onward. He started to grow on me. I don’t know if it was because I was bored and lonely, or if I just liked the attention. However, a big red flag started to present itself every time I saw him from then after… arguments. We argued every time we saw each other from day two (we argued in the car and then he took me in the house and introduced me to his family as his girlfriend) until the last time I spoke to him. It would be petty things like his insecurities about me not answering every time he called or him saying he loved me on the fourth day we saw each other and me not saying it back. Well, I didn’t love him, so why would I lie?
One night we went to a restaurant and he felt it best to include the waitress in our “debate”. He was telling her how he felt I should be “cute and quiet and stay in a woman’s place”, and pretty much blamed me for every argument we’ve ever had, and it backfired. She began to ask him questions about accountability, his actions, and even his morals. He was taken aback and for the first time ever, speechless. I instantly loved her! For once someone was able to shut him up and get him to see the error in his ways.
It was so refreshing for someone to see him, actually see him, and be a complete stranger. She’d said everything I’d already told him, and he couldn’t believe it. I was relieved and wanted her number because in my eyes she was someone I needed around. But there was one problem, I was scared. How do you ask the waitress for her number without being awkward or weird?
Saffron did me a solid and asked for her Instagram, and the look on her face was of sheer shock and resistance until I handed her my phone. She instantly relaxed and showed a look of relief and I laughed and told her I was scared to ask directly. After that day, “Yoni” and I talked daily, and she tried to give advice about how to maneuver with my relationship, but I broke it off with Saffron. He was toxic, young, and felt he knew everything there was to know in life. I won’t deny it was hard letting him go, we’d developed… something for each other, and he catered to the loneliness I felt inside; yet arguing daily was a huge deal breaker.
He continued to call and I wouldn’t pick up, but sometimes I would. I felt maybe he did possibly love me with his persistence. He was furious when he found out how close Yoni and I had gotten. He even implied we were lovers. I concluded that the best gift Saffron had ever given me was her. Yoni and I would joke and laugh about it often until we didn’t.
“Choose yourself first and stand firm on who you are and what you allow.”
One night after she completed her shift from work she texted me upset about customers, which wasn’t abnormal. I tried to be a comforting friend and encourage her by saying “Sorry friend, hope it gets better”, but she wasn’t feeling it. She was very dismissive and even said “I don’t need that right now, you can keep that.” Being as she’d had a crappy night I let her snappy remark fly, yet she continued complaining, and started to show signs of a familiar person… Saffron.
I told her I understood she was upset but didn’t have to get snappy with me, and her response was shocking and unwarranted. Yoni said I was being weird and she could get “weirder.” I was confused as to why her negative energy was directed to me so I didn’t respond. Needless to say, once I awoke the next morning I saw that she’d blocked me on all social media along with my number (for no reason) and our friendship was over as soon as it started.
My takeaway is 1) Vet everyone! Relationship interests and friends, because you just never know. 2) Choose yourself first and stand firm on who you are and what you allow, and the last and important one 3) LOVE YOURSELF enough to let people leave. Only accept the best, accept what feels good, and only accept what’s healthy.
I have no ill feelings for either party, but do I have peace in my life and heart now? Absolutely! I’ve moved on and have far greater people in my life, a better job, and greater circumstances. I’m grateful for the experience because it taught me that settling is subpar and I want the whole shabang!
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Candis is a writer out of Atlanta, GA. She has a B.S. in Mass Communications with a minor in Creative Writing. You can read her work in Chicken Soup for the Soul, PopSugar, and 6Twelve Magazine.