Is It Time to Break up With My Best Friend?
Dear Mi Comadre,
Two weeks ago my aunt called my husband and I to invite us to my uncle's birthday party. This to me is nothing new as they usually throw my uncle a party every year. I mentioned to my husband not to make plans because we were going to go and this year he shocked me with his reply. He said he wasn't going.
He said to be honest, "Tu tío no me cae" meaning, in other words, he really doesn't like my uncle. He thinks they are stuck up and only hangs out with him because of me. I was in total shock. I never knew he felt that way about my family, let alone my father's brother who is like my second dad. His feelings towards them hurt me. I became VERY VERY UPSET. The kids and I went to the party without him and I made up some excuse about him being sick. I have had this thought that how can I be with the man I love if the man I love doesn't like my family. They are everything to me. Please help. — (Anonymous)
Hello Diosa! Gracias por el amor!
I have so many questions, pero I’m going to give you my thoughts and advice with what you’ve told me. I feel like most guys have a hard time putting up a front. If they aren’t feeling up to something, they aren’t going to do it with a smile on their face. One of my questions to you would be, how does he interact with your family in general? Why does he think your family only accepts him because of you? Algo esta alli...something is making him feel like this. I know it’s hurtful to hear your partner say negative things about your family, but if there’s a reason why he feels like that, you both need to sit down and talk about it.
I told my hubby when we were dating that there were two things that were important to me when it came to finding a partner who I wanted to be in a long term relationship with. They needed to love my family, and enjoy being around them (cause we are ‘hella tight), and intimacy was a must til death do us part. Thankfully, it worked out, but I will admit there was a little adjusting on my part. My family has always been everything to me, but I was now in this committed relationship. We made vows to have each other’s back, and we were priority number one to each other. However, as newlyweds, when my family needed me, I went running to help them without saying anything to him. He would never not want to help my family, but to him, we were a unit, so why wouldn’t I talk to him about my family’s needs, and consider his thoughts and opinions. He was right.
My advice to you is to go have a conversation with your husband and find out the why. This is hard because it’s your family, but you made a commitment to him. I’m sure he doesn’t not like your whole family. And truth be told, sometimes you just don’t care for certain people in your family or your partner’s family, and there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as you're cordial, y no hay falta de respeto everything's good.
Let me know how your convo goes. I hope you both work it out! Paz y amor, take care!
Dear Mi Comadre,
I have a friend who I love dearly. I consider her my best friend. I will admit she always has some drama going on in her life. We are in our late 30s. I will tell her sometimes that she is too old to be dealing with some of the things she puts up with, and I try to give her advice, or just be there for her. I have other friends who know her and say that I should feed her with a long-handled spoon. Or I'm told, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with”, do you really want to have that negative energy around you? I don’t see us not being friends, I will be there for her, but those other friends' opinions do haunt me when her drama arises. Should I break up with my bestie? — Take a break or break-up?
Dear Take a Break or Break-up,
I think breaking up with a best friend is sometimes harder than breaking up with a significant other. Best friends are there for everything. You pour your soul into them and vice versa; it really is true love.
I think that if you are in a good headspace, you’ve got your ‘ish together, and if your relationship with her is not affecting you negatively, then continue your friendship. I have had friends in my life that every time I get together with them, it’s a therapy session. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about being there for my comadres, but when you have to sit through listening to the same drama every time you get together, it does drain you. In those situations, I chose to feed those friends with a long handled spoon. Sometimes it's too much, and it’s ok to remove yourself. You’re not being a terrible person by doing that either. Breaks are good.
As far as your other friends who are concerned about you and your relationship with your bestie, let them know you’re good. Thanks for your concern, but i’m a big girl, I got this. Keep your friendships apart, and don’t feed into the conversation if those friends try to bring up your bestie.
Good Luck!
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